Are you arguing about money? It’s not your fault!!!
But you can change….
We know the cost of living has gone right up, home loan interest rates are nearly double what they were in January, and money stress is being felt all over Australia. Constant doom and gloom reports in the media don’t help. Let’s face it we all struggle to remain positive and surrounded by negativity. If we are already on a different page than our partner when it comes to money this makes it more stressful, and much harder and of course, we start to defend our position, hide our shameful secrets and apportion blame to each other and this is because two-thirds of couples do not talk about money before making a commitment to each other.
In the throws of early romance, it can be hard to bring the reality of money to your relationship. This is particularly true if you feel financially inexperienced. Financial problems are filled with stress and shame. It can be really hard to have such a serious financial conversation.
Things and people are not always as they appear.
I get to have many conversations every day with people about their income, spending habits, investments, and savings. I have to interview people all the time as part of my business. I have a series of questions to ask any potential client. These are not dissimilar to what you should know about your future partner and what they need to know about you!
When you have been in a relationship for a while we have chosen our roles: he controls the money, she spends too much, she won’t let him buy lunch, he shouts at the pub every night!! Our roles might need a shake-up so we get on the same page, WITHOUT an argument.
Sitting down to a financial date night is just about the most unromantic thing I have ever heard of!! Also, how comfortable will either of you be having a big bright light on your finances – this can bring in a need to exaggerate the good and hide the shame…not helpful to anyone. Stealth is the answer! These conversations can happen in bits and pieces over time.
Start asking the most obvious –
1. Have our spending habits changed?
2. What are we earning?
2. What do we own?
3. What do we owe?
These small questions will start opening the conversation about how each of you views money and your money mindset. It might be an area where some work needs to be done in terms of how you view money and how it can work for you – but you must start somewhere!
I see a lot of couples who are similar when it comes to money and a many that are different, simply because we have chosen roles…how about assuming we have done the best we could with what we had available at the time and our partner did the same?
Start the conversation, and if you get angry STOP and start again later…assuming the best intentions.
Phoebe x
*relationships.org.au January 2019 survey Finances& Relationships